Dreams

I haven't been having any dreams lately.

I wonder if most people don't like hearing other people describe their dreams. Most of us have them, but they are impossible to describe in a way that explains how it felt to be in them.

How would I explain to someone a dream where I got to see the planets up close in vivid color? Or how it felt in dreams where beloved objects are distorted and strange. Nobody really cares to hear it, and the people I actually would tell had a lot to say about prophecy and my character.

I used to love having dreams because they inspired 5 of my 11 stories. They also used to be extremely vivid and often had a vague plot to follow. But at some point I really started to feel anxious about having them. Whenever I'd have an interesting dream, I would try to share it with my parent. It was always impulsive; I knew what was coming, but couldn't stop myself from telling them.

As soon as I would finish describing it, the explainations about where I had gone wrong, or where I would go wrong were applied to the dream. Like I hadn't experienced it, and wouldn't have "understood" it if I hadn't said something.

So, I stopped sharing them. They were just going to cause me stress anyway. I mean, how I was I supposed to attribute a dream containing bus stop tea parties, and liminal suburbs to a fight in our household?

But then the issue came up with dreams that seemed to actually mean something. If I'm scared of class, of course my brain will attack me with the idea of missing the schedule and failing. Or worried about the dentist? Oncoming a dream where my teeth started trickling out of my mouth.

And what do I do with other people's dreams? If someone has a dream that I am headed for death, what am I supposed to do? "Los suenos son para evitarlo". Fuck. I'm just scared that God might exist.